


The Real Reason Rubio Dropped Out

by orphan_account



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c., Republicans - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Crubio, Gay, Hurt No Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Politics, all the internalized homophobia, gay republicans, like a lot, ruz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6880627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rubio thinks deep thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Real Reason Rubio Dropped Out

**Author's Note:**

> Vote for Bernie! Rubio is such a sad little man. I love him.

It was wrong, and he knew it. Wrong, to lose himself in another man’s eyes. Wrong, to notice how his suit fell on his body, to caress it in his mind with poetic terms worthy of Dante- ironic, as the inferno surely awaited him if he let this continue. It was wrong, the way he felt about the other, older senator. He had known this once. He had known that what he had been in his youth was wrong, known that the nights dancing under the bright lights with other men or immersed in warm foam meant only to hide the actions deserving to be hidden had been wrong. He had known and he had sent himself a cease-and-desist order in his mind, forced himself to feel things he did not feel and love women he could not love- not in the way he should have. But Cruz had beaten down the wall he had built up and he was left awake at three AM, bleary-eyed and wishing he did not feel this way. Sometimes he would indulge himself in thoughts he knew he shouldn’t have, but the _thoughts_ would lead to _feelings_ he knew men shouldn’t feel for other men and he would lie awake consume with self hatred, Jeanette’s breathing taunting him with the life he had made himself live. He was reminded of his childhood, of the night he had wondered who he would like, were he gay, and then pushed the thought aside as the nagging voice in the back of his head had spoke the taunting words- _But you are… you are… are…_. He knew it was wrong, but in the heat of the moment he knew it would feel so right. He longed to make the other man moan with pleasure, scream obscene things in his broken Spanish as he came- but no. No, he could not think these things, feel these things. But he couldn’t go on like this, seeing him in debates and at rallies and on TV. And what if he stayed in, if they were the last two standing? On a stage, alone with the other man, he knew he could not control himself. Even now, in debates he would avoid cutting in, pursing his soft lips together because he knew not what would edge its way out of them. And if he won, and the other man endorsed him? He could not resist the euphoria at that. And if Cruz refused? If Cruz spoke scornfully about him? His heart would never repair. No, he would hide behind his Florida loss to remove himself from the vicinity of a man he should not love. It was the only thing to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Please comment or leave kudos if you have time.


End file.
